


Memories That Can't Be Erased With Time

by Hamimifk (BatchSan)



Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe, Angst, Het, Multi, Romance, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-17
Updated: 2010-01-17
Packaged: 2017-10-06 09:37:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/52254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BatchSan/pseuds/Hamimifk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An old photo album brings up memories that Sirius wished had stayed forgotten.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Memories That Can't Be Erased With Time

**Author's Note:**

> Never written any of these pairings before (except for a mildly implied Sirius/James drabble), so this proved to be interesting. And wow, I've never written a single chapter fic this long before either!

In the silence that had befallen the house, Sirius stepped lightly as he entered the attic, casting _lumos_ into the darkness to find the chain to the single light bulb within. Light peeked through the darkness as Sirius took several steps into the confided space and clicked on the light. Moving several boxes, a book fell on his foot, earning a curse from the man. Angrily stooping down to pick up the offending book, Sirius instantly paused in his movements when he noticed the cover of the book. It was the only thing he had brought with him when he had finally left 12 Grimmauld Place, this time forever, leaving the rest of the house to the Order to with as they pleased. Though with Voldermolt now gone, the Order had little use for a secret hideout.

Torn between chucking the book into a nearby box and continuing his search for the present he had hid up here for Harry's birthday, Sirius found he couldn't let the book go. In frustration, he clicked off the light bulb and went back downstairs. Venturing into the living room, he plopped down onto the couch and stared down at the book. Years of neglect had turned the once tan cover a dark ugly brown. Faintly visible on the cover was the once gold lettering, now a barely there reminiscent of the words 'Photo Album'. His fingers gently caressed the cover, remembering a time long ago when taking pictures had been his favorite pastime. A short phase of his adolescence that had blessed him with the photos within - both a reminder of good times and all the times that would never be again.

Sirius swallowed down his nerve and flipped open the cover to reveal the first page. There was the first picture - a young, vibrant, and very much still alive Lily Evans. She smiled back at him, dressed in her Hogwarts uniform, flipping her hair and blushing in embarrassment. Touching the image lightly, Sirius remembered taking the picture. He had surprised her after class, popping up as she rounded a corner. At first she had been hesitant to take the photo, fussing about her hair and make-up but he reassured her that she was beautiful, which she was. Even all these years later, Lily still proved to be beautiful in her picture, forever young and sixteen. Turning the page with some reluctance, he revealed James goofing around on the top of a fence. James balanced on the fence, walking a few steps toward the camera, forever laughing silently. In real time, James had fallen off a few steps after the picture had been taken. Acting fast and dropping the camera onto the grass at his feet to catch his friend, Sirius grabbed James just in time to prevent a nasty injury. Together laughing, joking about Sirius always being there to catch James.

Tears welled in Sirius' eyes as he remembered back eighteen years now to the one time he hadn't been there to catch James.

On the next page was a group photo of his friends. Remus, James, and Lily leaned forward, arms draped over each other's necks, while Peter sat on the ground in front of them. The group laughed silently, shifting playfully against each other. They were sixteen going on seventeen in the photo and even Peter seemed like a normal, happy teen. He hated Peter for what he had done to them all, tearing them all apart with his betrayal, but for the moment, Sirius remembered the moment this photo had been taken. They were all friends then, no traitors among them, and the future was bright and beautiful before them. Growing angry, Sirius closed the photo album and threw it at the other side of the couch where it bounced against the arm and fell open on another picture.

Sirius bit his tongue almost to blood as he looked at the revealed picture of James, Lily, and himself. His then nineteen year old self beamed up at the ceiling with arms around the two most important people in his life at the time. Both James and Lily looked slightly embarrassed in the picture, though no one but themselves knew why. A silent secret that had gone to the grave with two of the three in the picture. Picking up the book, Sirius let his finger slowly trace the outline of James' face.

****Flashback****

"Mate, what in all that is magical are you doing?" a seventeen year old Sirius asked, flopping down in the seat beside his best friend.

"Clearly I'm watching a horror movie on the telly," James said matter of factly.

"Why?" Sirius questioned as he watched a very fake looking zombie break through a door.

"Sirius, are you daft? It's something I grew up watching and loving. Do you have an issue with that?"

"Nay, mate, I was just wondering why you'd rather be watching this crud when you have something so much more interesting to look at."

James looked at his friend for a long moment, suppressing a smirk the whole while. He knew what his friend was getting at but there was more fun in dragging it out.

"Do I? I don't recall seeing anything interesting about."

Rolling his eyes and straddling the other boy, Sirius made it clear what he meant. When James opened his mouth to speak, Sirius cut him off with a kiss, nibbling on his lower lip to ensure any future arguments were mute. Pushing James down to a more vertical position, Sirius rearranged himself so he was comfortably above James, bodies pressing against each other. Movement only succeeded in earning soft gasps as they continued to kiss. Pushing Sirius away, James smirked and shook his head.

"Are you ever not horny?" he asked as he removed his glasses and set them on a side table just above his head.

"Not when I'm with you, Prongs." Sirius' voice was soft and honest as he stroked a stray strand of hair out of James' face. "I love you."

James blushed as he smiled and pulled his friend's mouth back to his, licking Sirius' lips before pushing his tongue past eager lips. He reached between them and felt about for the other boy's crotch. Fingers found what they were looking for as Sirius inhaled sharply, his penis already hard and practically begging for James. There was fumbling about then, leading them to both wind up on the floor, Sirius' pajama pants half off and James' already messy hair even more so. Sirius had managed to tug off James shirt in their movements and pressed his hands against the revealed skin.

"Come on, Prongs, lets get those pants off your pretty arse."

"Yeah, and have you impale me like a wild troll again? I think not," James smiled as he stood and removed his pants, "I have a better idea."

He helped Sirius out of his shirt and pants and forced him to lay down again. Rearranging himself so his mouth was an inch away from his friend's erection, James made sure he could feel Sirius' hot breath brush against his own erection. Running a teasing tongue along Sirius' length, James felt his friend flinch. Knowing how much teasing made Sirius crazy, the messy haired teen repeated his actions several more times until he felt a hand grab his balls.

"I swear, I'll squeeze if you do it again," a breathy voice warned.

Chuckling, James took his friend into his mouth, bobbing his head up and down in a very practiced way. Sirius bucked his hips in a brief spasm, finally arching them as he took James partially into his mouth. Purposely, he swirled his tongue over the tip as opposed to actually sucking his friend off. The angle was slightly off to give him a proper blow job anyway, so he took to higher ground, grabbing James' ass and kneading the flesh as he continued to lick at the head of his dick. Dipping two fingers into his mouth, Sirius pressed them into his friend's anus, feeling James inhale sharply on his penis. Some shifting for the teen on top before Sirius was fingering fucking his friend's ass.

James was the first to come, not really good yet at drawing out his orgasm. His muffled cries of pleasure reverberated on Sirius erection, making him come just when James' orgasm began to subside. The teen on top, rolled over after he swallowed his friend's come and together they lied on the floor simply catching their breath. Finally, Sirius sat up and leaned over James, kissing him passionately, tongues dancing together. A knock came at the door then, sending the boys into a silent frenzy as they quickly put their clothes back on and tried to make sure there was no evidence of what they'd been doing left in plain view.

"James, it's bed time," came a voice from the other side of the door. "Why is the door locked? You know how I feel about locked doors."

"I'm sorry, mum!" James said, quickly fixing his hair and checking his face in a mirror. He reached to unlock the door, giving the room behind him a quick once over before opening the door to his mother. "Sorry, mum. I was just making sure Sirius didn't sneak out while I was watching the telly and pinch any food from the kitchen. Again."

"Hey! It was only once!" Sirius defended, leaning forward from where he sat cross-legged on the small couch in James' room.

"Either way, it's bedtime now boys. Off with the telly and into your beds now," James' mother said, ushering her son to bed while Sirius began fixing the couch for himself to sleep on. "I don't want you two up all night, so twenty of minutes of talk is all I'm allowing. After that, it's to sleep with the both of you."

"G'nite, mum," James called.

"G'nite, Mrs. Potter," Sirius said, smiling sleepily from the couch.

"G'nite boys," she said as the door closed, leaving the boys in darkness.

After a moment, Sirius crawled into bed with James. Grinning, James pecked a kiss on the other boy's lips.

"G'nite, Prongs. I love you," Sirius said as he snuggled up against his friend.

"G'nite, Padfoot. I love you too," James said, also snuggling against his friend.

****End of flashback****

Tears were in his eyes as he remembered that night and all the other times he and James had ever been intimate. Confessions of love in dark hallways and in the throes of passion. James had been his first love and Sirius' confessions of love were true and heartfelt. However, he had accepted that they could never lead a normal life together as a couple, so it was with some reluctance that he allowed James to pull away from him and take comfort in the only other person, aside from Remus, that he trusted - Lily. He held no contempt against Lily, having loved her almost as much as he did James.

His finger now traced over the redhead's face, watching her slightly flushed face and remembering that while James had been the one who married her, Sirius had been the one who taught her how to please her husband.

****Flashback****

When Sirius entered the Evans residence, it smelled good. He even dared use the word fabulous to describe the smell of baked goods. Making his way to the kitchen, he found Lily bending over the open oven, pulling out a tray that was undoubtedly the cause for the wonderful smells emanating through the air. She set the tray atop the stove and closed the oven door with her foot as she reached for something on the counter.

"It smells wonderous in here," Sirius commented, scaring the redhead.

"Oh, it's you," she said with a small smile, wiping her hands on the towel over her shoulder, "What can I do for you, Sirius?"

Creeping toward the stove to better view the source of the smells, he was blocked by the playful young woman who smirked at him.

"Don't you dare! You know these are for James' birthday party tomorrow," Lily warned. "Plus, I haven't even iced the cupcakes yet."

"Well, how about I just ice you up and eat you instead?" he joked, offering up a small growl.

Lily blushed, not replying and turned back to the cooling cupcakes. "I still need to make a dozen more once this batch is done and if you're not going to help, feel free to leave."

Taken aback by his friend's reaction, Sirius leaned onto the counter beside the stove to better see the redhead's face. He watched in silence as Lily laid out another tray beside the cupcake one, her fingers shaking slightly as she moved them. Worried, Sirius grabbed one of her hands, pulling it into both of his.

"What is it, Lil?"

"It's... nothing," she tried to pull her hand away but Sirius held on tight enough to keep her hand, but light enough so he didn't hurt her.

"Bollocks. Tell me what's the matter."

Shaky fingers reached up and tucked several loose strands of hair behind her ear, refusing to look at him. "It's everything. You, James, me... All of us."

"What of us?"

"James turns nineteen tomorrow. Hogwarts will be nothing but a fond childhood memory in another year or so and then there's you," she sighed.

"I don't understand."

Lily wretched her hand away from her friend and stomped across the kitchen. "You know how James feels about me."

"Of course I do, Lil. I've watched him tail after you for years," Sirius said, so confused by the redhead's actions that his head was beginning to spin. "Why are you acting so strangely?"

The way she scowled at him made Sirius wish he could hide himself inside the oven to escape Lily's fiery green eyes. She pointed a finger at him, opened her mouth to speak and abruptly closed it. Without a word, she stomped back across the kitchen and mashed her mouth against his before he could even blink. There was such a feeling of desperation behind the kiss that he expected to see tears in her eyes, but he only saw the same fiery green gaze glaring at him when she pulled away.

"He's speaking of marriage, Sirius. With the war booming, I'm seriously considering the idea," she said in a low voice.

"Well, um, I don't see what's the problem. I know you two fancy each other a great deal and it would be great if you two were to get together," Sirius' voice came out almost as a squeak, his throat tight with confusion and shock.

"I don't think I'm ready for it yet, I'm only nineteen. Beside that, I've never been with a boy before, I wouldn't know how to make him happy." The look she gave Sirius made it crystal clear what she was getting at.

Panicking, Sirius tried to move away, but Lily already had him pinned against the kitchen counter with her body and it was evident by her fingers digging into his shoulders that Lily wasn't about to let him free without him using physical force against her.

"James is my best mate, I can't do anything that would compromise that." Even as he said the words, he remembered things that only James and he knew of. Things that would have probably upset Lily if she knew about them. Perhaps even send her away in disgust. Guilt set heavy in his stomach as Lily continued to stare back at him in that defiant manner he had long ago learned to associate with her so well.

"Fine," he ceded finally with great reluctance.

The redhead claimed his lips again, her hands locking onto the back of his neck. Sirius, though reluctant, gave into the kiss, hesitantly placing his hands on her hips. Things were fine until Lily trailed her hands down to Sirius' muggle jeans, searching for the zipper to open them. Surprised again, he pulled away from the kiss. Opening his mouth to question what she was about to do, she only smiled and reassured him that her parents were away and her sister was at a friend's house. She said all this as she undid his past and kneeled to pull them down.

"You still fail to put on underwear, I see," Lily commented slyly, grinning at Sirius mischievously.

"I didn't think I would be shagging my best mate's girlfriend today. Next time, give me an advance notice and I'll be sure to put a pair on," was the retort back.

Lily chuckled as she grasped his penis, which was happy to feel the warm hand in the cold air of the kitchen. It remained limp though as Sirius' anxiety about what was happening weighed on him. If he were to answer honestly, he had always secretly wanted something like this to happen. Lily was beautiful, it didn't take a potion to see that and he full-heartedly understood why James had been so lovestruck by Lily even as kids. As it was, at some point during their third or fourth year, Sirius understood that he could never be with her and he accepted that. Beside, he was in love with his best friend and he would never do anything to upset James, not purposely at least. Still, that didn't stop his body from eventually submitting to the feel of soft lips and tongue at the tip of his penis. He shut his eyes for a moment, letting himself be swept in by the woman on her knees. When he opened them, he did so in time to see Lily begin to take him into her mouth.

Grasping on the kitchen counter, he groaned at the sight of the redhead bobbing her head in experiment before he reached forward with one hand and gently slid his fingers into her hair. Resting his hand on the back of her head, he helped her questioning motions with what he wanted, showing her at what pace she should be doing it. Teeth scrapped at his shaft and he grimaced in pain. Realizing she had made a mistake, Lily did her best to correct herself, finally getting it right after a few bobs. Once Lily figured out how to do something, she proved to be a fast learner, sucking him off as if she'd done it many times before. It didn't take long for Sirius to realize he was all the way hard now thanks to the redhead's ministrations. He stopped her actions, knowing that once he came, he would likely completely lose his nerve.

"Stand up," he said, his voice shaking as he tried to control himself.

Doing as she was told, Lily wiped her mouth on the back of her hand, looking slightly embarrassed. Though she wouldn't say it, embarrassed or not, she hungered for more of whatever was to come and she knew by Sirius' reputation that he would not disappoint. Kissing her throat softly, Sirius undid the front buttons of her dress. The buttons trailed down to her waist, where a sash showed off the shape of her hips. When the buttons up until then were undone, he opened her dress to reveal her simple white bra beneath. Dipping his mouth to the valley between her breasts, he cupped her breasts beneath the bra, pushing it up as he did so and freeing Lily's pale breasts. Taking a nipple into his mouth, he nibbled on it, making Lily twitch and moan. Running her hand through his hair, Lily waited until Sirius turned his attention to her other breast before pulling at his hair for attention. She loved the feeling of his mouth on her breasts, but her body yearned for something greater.

"I want you in me," she said as calmly as she could despite her flustered face.

"Women usually enjoy foreplay," Sirius caught himself saying with a grin.

"If I wanted to play, I'd be doing this with James. I want you to teach how to please a man."

Shaking his head, Sirius made Lily squeal in surprise when he suddenly scooped her up by the waist and spun her around so she was seated atop the counter. Pausing, he lifted her up so as to pull up her skirt and pull off her panties. Once naked from the waist down, the dress now bunched around her waist, Lily groaned as Sirius slipped a finger into her. Followed by another, they moved about, stretching her and pushing in and out to get her use to the sensation. Stopping, he reached down to retrieve his wand from his jeans pocket and casted a spell for a condom and lube. The redhead watched Sirius prepare himself to enter her, stroking his erection with a generous amount of lube.

"I've deflowered a few people before and I must warn you that it'll hurt for a moment," he said.

In reply, Lily just opened her legs a little wider and gave him a 'come hither' look. Sirius smiled at her warmly, finally relaxing from his earlier discomfort. He took his time entering Lily and once she got past the pain, the redhead was thrusting against him in earnest. Various kitchen appliances and objects were pushed off the counter as the two thrust back and forth, though neither seemed to notice. Lily gripped tightly to Sirius as she neared her climax, her breasts pressed tightly against his still clothed chest.

"I love you," she panted, just before Sirius tilted himself slightly and brushed against her g-spot, making her see stars and momentarily going deaf as she screamed.

A few more thrusts and Lily came, tightening not only her muscles but her whole body against Sirius. The contractions of her orgasm brought Sirius over the finishing line and soon they were panting tiredly against each other. In the silence that was only permeated by their pounding hearts, Sirius whispered softly into Lily's ear, fearful of no one but himself and the truth.

"I love you too."

****End of flashback****

Sirius was crying when he heard the front door open and slam shut. Panicking as if he been doing something horrible, Sirius slammed the book shut, wiping his tears away, and quickly searched for a place to hide his guilt. Approaching footsteps made him drop the book on the floor, grimacing when the sound echoed, and pushed it under the sofa just as Harry entered the room. He smiled up at his godson, praying to whatever deity existed for the wizarding world that Harry would overlook the red eyes and sniffles Sirius did his best to play off with a wipe of his nose.

"Sirius, have you been crying?" Harry asked, pausing uncertainly just inside the room.

"Crying? Why would I be crying? Today's your eighteen birthday and in a few weeks, you'll be off to the academy to start your training to become an auror. These are tears of overwhelming joy," Sirius said, only partially lying.

With a goofy grin reminiscent of his father, Harry came over to his godfather and hugged the man. "You sappy old coot. I didn't know you had a care in the world for anyone aside yourself," Harry joked as he took the seat beside Sirius.

"My boy, I care more for you than I do my own life," Sirius said, clapping his arm around the teen's back.

Harry gazed down at his hands in his lap, silent for a moment. "Do you think my parents would be as proud as you have been over my life decisions?"

Sirius shivered slightly, a memory of Lily ghosting over the teen next to him. He picked up Harry's hands to get his attention. When the green eyed teen looked up at him, his heart skipped a beat because he swore he could see Lily looking back at him.

"Harry, your parents were fantastic people. Albeit, your father was a bit dense and your mum was stubborn as you are. They would be overwhelmed to tears with pride as I am, if they were sitting here right now with us."

The Boy-Who-Lived, now just a normal boy, no, a man now, smiled warmly at Sirius. Something about the smile reminded him so much of James, that he almost leaned over and captured Harry's lips with his own. Nervous now by the thought and cursing the photo album, Sirius reached up to pat his godson on the cheek. Every fiber in his being froze then when Harry grasped his hand and slowly ghosted a kiss on the palm. The look he flickered at Sirius next was one he'd only seen in two others' eyes.

"I love you, Sirius," the teen said, his eyes practically undressing Sirius as he said so.

His lips frozen in place, Sirius fought to figure out if this was real or if he had fallen asleep during one of his remembrances. This was all a dream, some sick, twisted fantasy brought on by old memories that should never have been dug up. A bite to his thumb helped snapped the man out of his stupor. Seeing Harry for the first time, really seeing him as a man and not the disheveled teen he had come across five years before. Sirius tried to reason with himself that there was something wrong with the way his body suddenly ached for the teen, but Harry had already leaned over and pressed his lips to his. The lips were so soft that Sirius' resolve and any other hesitation he had gave way to his body's desire.

Sirius allowed the teen to push him back so he was half laying on the sofa. Harry mounted the older man, pulling off the plain tee shirt he had been wearing in the hot summer sun. His fingers went to work on the buttons of Sirius' short sleeved shirt, kissing the man as if he had done it a million times before. The shirt open and pushed aside to allow Harry to press his slightly sweated torso against the older man's torso. Sirius found his arms wrapped around the teen's waist, feeling emotions he hadn't felt for years as Harry's tongue slipped into his mouth. The teen pulled away, looking at Sirius in a very sultry fashion.

"I want you in me," he said, his voice deeper than normal.

"Harry..." The man tried to think of a way to explain what was wrong with this, but Harry was unbuttoning his jeans, and slipping them down just enough to reveal the faint curve of his hip.

It was clear that Harry wasn't listening and Sirius hadn't really expected him to. Harry had proved on many occasions where his genetics came from and it was clear that while he resembled his father, Harry was so much like his mother. The teen slipped his jeans down as far as his position allowed, revealing his erection and stroking it innocently. With a bit of effort, clearly not as young as he once had been, Sirius maneuvered them so Harry was laying on the sofa. Helping to remove his pants and underwear, Sirius took the teen into his mouth, swirling his tongue up and down Harry's length. Harry's hands rubbed at his torso as he watched the man he'd secretly fantasized about for the last three years suck him off. The closer he came to his peak, the further down his hands trailed, finally dancing through Sirius' hair as his fingers clenched and unclenched involuntarily.

Finally, Harry came in his godfather's mouth, calling out Sirius' name as his body trembled against the man. Sirius sat back on heels and wiped his mouth from the last of Harry's come, letting the teen relax and catch his breath. Standing, Sirius removed his clothes, surprisingly accepting of what was going on. A small voice in his head had reassured him of what was happening, telling him to see it as a sign from the loves of his life. He hadn't forced himself on Harry, Harry had been the one to seduce him and he was an adult now, able to make his own decisions.

The teen sat up just as Sirius plotted what his next move should be and grabbed his erection, eagerly going down on him with soft lips. Surprised, but somehow seeing this as a confirmation of his thoughts, Sirius watched with half-lidded eyes as Harry sucked him off, listening to the slurping sounds with a twinge in his heart. The teen worked on Sirius until they both knew that anymore would result in a mess and pulled away.

"Take me, Sirius. I've wanted this for so long now," Harry said, his eyes wide and innocent, but with that devious hint that suggested he was anything but.

So he did, and for the first time, he didn't think of Lily or James, only Harry as he shouted against him. When it was over, Harry tired and covered in his own come, which Sirius licked off of him before pulling him close by on the floor where they ended up at. The man began to doze off as his godson smiled at him, closing his eyes.

"I love you," Sirius whispered, closing his own eyes, feeling oddly at peace with his memories. Knowing they were past memories and that the present was all that mattered.

Harry opened his eyes after a moment, his body youthful and still willing to go another round. It was only by chance that he rolled his head in search of something to use as a pillow other than his arm, when he spotted the ugly brown book under the sofa. Reaching out, he pulled it out, unknowingly holding it upside when he opened it. Righting the book, he stared hard at the pictures in front of him, taking a moment to recognize the faces peering back at him and another moment to realize what they implied. Two photos rested on the same page. One contained his father and Sirius, no older than himself in the photo, kissing. The other contained his mother and Sirius, with Sirius' lips pressed against Lily's fingers.

Harry smiled.

**End**


End file.
